We scheduled the pictures for 10am. This meant I was hoping she would sleep until 9:15am. This would allow MM and me enough time to get up, shower and try to appear like normal functioning adults who look like they are not living in a zoo. And if Peter Dartmouth so much as barked before 9:15am then all bets are off and she would certainly be awake at 7:30am and ready to nap by the time we arrived at the studio.
As we left the house it was shaping up to be a perfect morning. Her little cherub eyes fluttered open at 9:15 on the dot, I'd had enough coffee to feel alive and MM managed to find a clean coordinating shirt and sweater. I couldn't get over our luck as I wondered aloud how people with multiple children manage to do such complicated things as get their pictures taken. And forget the ones who coordinate outfits.
So we arrive on time and our wonderful photographer, Jessie, has an adorable backdrop ready to go and we sit EEM down on the floor and she starts smiling and acting adorable immediately. For about 23 seconds I bask in the pleasure of thinking that my precious child is going to cooperate.
And suddenly her eyes glaze over and I can nearly hear her little head thinking.
Wait, what am I doing here, sitting on the floor? My parents are acting like morons squeaking all my toys and this lady has a big black toy with a lens that I want to lick and amIsupposedtobedoingsomething...
Suddenly she decides to act and falls backwards and bangs her head on the floor. Lots of screaming ensues. After we decided that she is not hurt and I comfort her and we try to sit her down again to resume the session she could not hold it together. More crying. (Her, not me, just to be clear.)
At this point we are still on outfit one (out of three) and I suddenly realize why those pageant moms act so evil and crazed. In order to avoid being judged by Jessie and my husband, I try to hold it together.
Oh, sweetie, it's okay. [I smile and dance around like an idiot.] Smile for Miss Jessie! My pageant mom insides are really saying DO YOU WANT YOUR LIFE DOCUMENTED OR NOT? DO YOU THINK THAT I THINK THIS IS FUN? JUST FLIPPING SMILE ALREADY. You know, something along those lines.
So we left and although Jessie assured me she got some great shots, I was a little skeptical, only due to the way EEM behaved. But lo and behold, she is a goddess/miracle worker and was able to get some good ones.
Which EEM better treasure forever. Like, I want this one hanging in her dorm room.
When I scheduled her nine month pictures, I felt certain they would be less stressful. Ha. HAHAHAHHAHAHA.
I threw caution to the wind and scheduled them for the middle of the afternoon, and told myself I wouldn't obsess about everything. She doesn't nap consistently during the day so when it comes to scheduling things based on her state of mind I might as well open my planner and blindly put my finger on a day and time.
Oh, and we were hoping for some outside pictures and of course it was raining/drizzling.
We went for it and Jessie sat a blanket down in the wet grass. It was clear that EEM was absolutely horrified THAT WE EXPECTED HER TO SIT IN THE WET GRASS and she did this for two hours straight:
Like, she wouldn't even stare blankly and look stoic. She had a scowl or threw a complete tantrum the entire time. I knew it was time to call it quits when a random landscaper dude kept circling us trying to get her to smile, unsolicited. This time Jessie didn't even try to assure me everything would be okay. She pretty much said we need to reschedule. And EEM turned ten months this week, so there will be no nine month documentation.
Unless I frame the picture above for her. Don't put it past me.
professional photo: jessie kriech-higdon
iPhone photo: aunt allie